The Confession
by Krazy007
Summary: Dimitri's POV. Post Shadow Kiss. How our favorite Russian might have felt when Rose admits to seeing ghosts. Pages 249-259.


**I was inspired recently by the amazing writer **_**Feefella **_**to write this. As most of you know, she does pieces of the Vampire Academy series in Dimitri's POV. And yeah, I'm obsessed with writing them. So, I decided to write one for a scene she hasn't done yet. This is the scene when Rose finally admits her ghost sightings in the infirmary and then Dimitri and her go talk about how she should have told him about it. WARNING: This is my first attempt at dhampir Dimitri's mind so beware of suckiness. I will try my best to capture the awesomeness of Dimka's mind. =) **

**Disclaimer: I own nada. Richelle Mead is a lucky woman. **

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**The Confession **

Despite how hard I fought it, I couldn't conceal the desperation in my voice as I said her name. "Rose," For the moment, I forgot that Alberta and Dr. Orlendzki were in the room with us. I could see the terror in Rose's eyes that she was trying to hide from everyone else in an attempt to seem brave. Normally I would have admired her bravery and even found her stubborness amusing, but not today. I wouldn't admit it outloud, but I was just as scared as she seemed to be. What happened on the plane...no words could have described my emotions at seeing her like that. I _needed _to know the truth. It was the only way I could help her. "Please."

Then, I saw something surrender in her eyes. She turned her head away from us, focusing on the ceiling as she spoke. "Ghosts," she whispered. "I saw ghosts."

_That_ was not the answer I was expecting. Judging from the other women's expressions I knew they shared my shock. A thick silence filled the air. I honestly had no idea how to respond to that. Part of me wanted to just wrap my arms around Rose and comfort her. The other part of me was too stunned and hurt that she hadn't told me this before to do anything. Thankfully, Dr. Orlendzki recovered first, but only enough to speak. Her voice was unsteady. "W-what do you mean?"

I could see how difficult this was for her to admit. But I also had a strange feeling that it was relief for her to get what she had been bottling up all out. Rose swallowed. I was partially satisfied she was finally telling us the truth. Her "i'm fine" answer killed me every time. "He's been following me for the last couple of weeks. Mason. On campus. I know it sounds crazy—but it's him. Or his ghost. That's what happened with Stan. I locked up because Mason was there, and I didn't know what to do. On the plane...I think he was there too...and others. But I couldn't exactly see them when we were in the air. Just glimpses...and the headache. But when we landed in Martinville, he was there in full form. And—he wasn't alone. There were others with him. Other ghosts." My heart broke as a tear leaked from her eye. She quickly wiped it away, strong as always.

I could feel thoughts and memories of my grandmother Yeva swirling through my mind. I sorted through them, trying to recall if she ever had any interference or experience with ghosts. Nothing of that nature came up. My family had always believed ghosts to be nonexistant. It was something I had believed to. But, seeing Rose's reaction after she told us this, I knew she wasn't lying. There was no excuse this time. She honestly believed she had seen ghosts. I finally asked, "Did you know them?" Maybe she was having some form of flashbacks, especially since Mason's death was so recent. All guardians—especially good ones—had to deal with the trama after their first killings. Rose was no exception.

She turned back and I was pleased when she met my eyes. I really hoped she knew that she could trust me. "Yeah...I saw some of Victor's guardians and the people from the massacre. Lissa's...Lissa's family was there too."

I traded glances with Alberta and the Doctor. I think I might have been the only one to have a theory on why this was happening. Well, that was until Dr. Orlendzki sighed and spoke up. "Could I speak with the two of you privately?"

I followed her outside, shutting the door behind us. When Dr. Orlendzki faced us, there was a fury I had never witnessed before clear on her face. "It's completely obvious what is going on," I wondered what her theory could be. "That poor girl. She's undergoing post-traumatic stress disorder, and it's no wonder after everything that's happened." I couldn't bring myself to label Rose's situation as a "stress" disorder. Unbearable headaches that altered her behavior? Something told me it was something else...something more specific.

Alberta shared my disbelief. "Are you sure?" She questioned. "Maybe it's something else..." Like me, she didn't know what exactly it was. I wished she had though. It was a frustrating sitaution. One I wanted to solve. Things were only getting worse. Rose needed something that would heal her. Medication for stress disorder wasn't going to do it.

Dr. Orlendzki seemed solid in her idea. "Look at the facts: a teenage girl who witnessed one of her friends getting killed and then had to kill his killer. You don't think that's traumatic?" She challeneged. "You don't think that might have the _tiniest_ effect on her?"

"Tragedy is something all guardians have to deal with," Alberta said, voicing my previous thoughts.

"Maybe there's not much to be done for guardians in the field, but Rose is still a student here. There are resources that can help her."

I decided to finally say something. Her suggestion of help triggered my interest. It didn't matter, to me at least, what the problem really was. I just wanted help for Rose and then to worry about the rest later. "Like what?" I inquired.

"Counseling." Dr. Orlendzki answered. "Talking to someone about what happened can do worlds of good. You should have done it as soon as she got back. You should do it for the others who were with her while you're at it. Why doesn't anyone think of these things?" She seemed frustrated by that.

"It's a good idea." I agreed. I knew strongly Rose wouldn't like it but I also knew talking about things _can _really help people. If Rose wouldn't talk to me at least she could talk to a therapist that could sadly help her a lot more than I could. "She could do it on her day off."

"Day off? More like every day. You should pull her from the entire field experience. Fake Strigoi attacks are not the way to recover from a real one."

"No!" A famaliar voice shouted from behind us. I turned to see Rose standing in the now open doorway, looking horrified. She took in our staring at her and embarrassment mixed in at being caught eavesdropping. It didn't surprise me she listened since this conversation was about her.

"Rose," Dr. Orlendzki's anger evaporated back to being a nuturing doctor, but there was also an undercoat of scolding in her tone. "You should go lie down."

As usual, Rose was steadfast in being deviant. "I'm fine." She responded, shrugging off anyone's concern. Her expression alone warned me one of her infamous arguments was on the way. "And you can't make me quit the field experience. I won't graduate if you do."

That was true. Fuflilling her job though, Dr Orlendzki was more concerned about Rose's health. "You aren't well, Rose, and there's nothing to be ashamed of after all that's happened to you. Thinking you're seeing the ghost of someone who died isn't too out there when you consider the circumstances."

Rose was about to correct her on something, but thought against it. I could almost see the wheels revolving in her head as she tried to conjure up another excuse at why she shouldn't quit the field experience. If there was one thing I truly knew about Rose it was that she wouldn't go down without a fight. She suddenly found another idea. "Unless you're going to put me in counceling 24/7, you're going to make it worse. I _need _something to do. Most of my classes are on hold right now. What would I do? Sit around? Think more and more about what happened? I'll go crazy—for real. I don't want to sit on the past forever. I need to get moving with my future."

When fell into an arguement about how to handle this. Rose was right—to a certain extent. I didn't like her implication of going crazy, because that would never happen. I hated whatever person that put in her mind that she could be insane. Finally, I suggested Rose go on half-time for the experience, only doing 3 days a week. Dr. Orlendzki wasn't thrilled about it, but that was the concensus we reached. Rose would also visit her counselor regularly.

During the time of Rose's final examining, I was left to drown in my thoughts. It finally dawned over me that _all this time _Rose had lied to me. She completely hidden the truth from me. I didn't understand her reasoning but I knew it stung—a lot—that she hadn't told me in the first place. I wanted her to trust me and up until now, I thought she did. I guess that was a lie as well. I could feel my frustration and slight anger at her evolving until it was boiling inside me, ready to explode. Once Rose was released with a clean bill of health, Alberta left, but I still had a lot of talking to do with Rose.

"Thanks for thinking of that half-time thing," she told me as we walked back to her room. My heart thudded hard in my chest. I wasn't going to be able to repress my emotions for much longer. I tried to concentrate on the nice scenery around us. The sun was poking out in light warmth after the previous storm, letting a lot of the slush from winter begin to melt away. Unfortunately this did nothing to distract me. I found myself coming to an abrupt stop. I needed to talk to Rose now. A more rational part of me tried to warn that letting my feelings about the situation—most were inappropriate for a teacher to feel for his student—but I didn't care.

Rose skidded to a stop as I blocked her path. I reached forward, grabbing her arm, and yanking her close to me, closer than I would have normally done. I was practically clinging onto her arm. I hoped she didn't feel me trembling. My fingers bit into her skin, but I had enough control, for now, to make sure it didn't hurt her. I glared into her eyes. It was my turn to confess. "Rose," I didn't mask the pain in me. She realized this and nearly stopped breathing. "This shouldn't have been the first time I heard about this! Why didn't you tell me? Do you know what it was like? Do you know what it was like for me to see you like that and not know what was happening?" I let the truth slip: "Do you know how scared I was?"

Obviously, she was astonished and I didn't blame her. I didn't expect myself to lose it like that, but I wanted her to consider what hell it had been for me. Finally, she seemed to acknowledge it and swallowed. But what she actually said made me want to humorlessly laugh because it was so wrong. "You're not scared of anything."

_I'm scared of losing you. Terrified. _"I'm scared of a lot of things." I admitted without shame. "I was scared for you." Unwillingly, I released her and she stepped back. Now that I had set my cards on the table, I didn't hide my love for her, leaving it all over my face. I was already worried about losing her to Adrian Ivashkov when he got her into Victor's trial. And now apparently there were greater forces against us. It hurt me to know that. "I'm not perfect." _So far from it, Roza_. "I'm not invulnerable."

"I know it's just...." She trailed off, seeming at a loss for words. But I understood. She saw me as this superhero that could never fail. That was who I wanted to be, but it was impossible. Rose Hathaway was so much more innocent and invincible that I could dream to be. I loved her admiration, but I wished she could see herself like I saw her.

We were starting to get off topic, and I wasn't done. "And this has been going on for a long time too," I continued, my emotions bubbling up again with each word. "It was going on with Stan, when you were talking to Father Andrew about ghosts—you were dealing with this the whole time! Why didn't you tell anyone?" My heart throbbed again at the reminder of her lack of trust. Would she have told Ivashkov? "Why didn't you tell Lissa...or...me?"

She gazed into my eyes and love reflected back at me. I resisted the burning urge to kiss her. "Would you have believed me?" There was a note of determination in her tone, determination to get that answer to the question she asked me. I didn't understand.

"Believed what?"

"That I'm seeing ghosts."

That made me pause. I didn't want her to shut me out but I had no other answer to give her except, "Well...they aren't ghosts, Rose. You only think they are because—"

She cut me off, furiously. "That's why. That's why I couldn't tell you or anybody. Nobody would believe me, not without thinking I'm crazy."

There was that word again. I was quickly growing to hate it. "I don't think you're crazy," I told her firmly. Memories of the past 6 months I had known her flooded my head. Running away. Victor. Natalie. Badica massacre. Her mother. Spokane. The trial. "But I think you've been through a lot." _Too much for someone as young as you. _

"It's more than that." Rose argued and she began to start walking. Yeah right. I wasn't letting her slip away again. I reached out, practically dragging her back to me, closer than before. My body responded to our proximity but I took a deep breath to forcus myself. Rose glanced around uneasily. I knew for a fact it was too early for anyone to catch us. I didn't care even if it wasn't. Not right now. I needed her to talk to me. "Tell me then," I challegned. "Tell me how it's more than that."

"You won't believe me," she disagreed, sure that I wouldn't. She was probably right, as she knew me better than I knew myself most of the time, but I was determined to be there for her regardless. "Don't you get it? No one will. Even you...of all people." The way she said that made my heart stop. I could suddenly see she needed me to understand this as much as I did.

"I'll...try." I promised, but despite growing up with the craziness of the outer realm, my belief, or rather nonbelief, in ghosts wasn't going to change anytime soon. I was taught people only returned from the dead as a result of being turned into a Strigoi or as we currently figured out, by Lissa's spirit abilities. Otherwise, it was impossible. "But I still don't think you really understand what's happening to you."

"I do," Rose argued steadily. "That's what no one else realizes. Look, you have to decided once and for all if you really do trust me. If you think I'm a child, too naive to get what's going on with her fragile mind, then you should just keep walking. But if you trust me enough to remember that I've seen things and know things that kind of surpass those of others my age...well, then you should also realize that I might know a little about that I'm talking about."

I was momentarily amused by the declaration she just made. I had never meant a more headstrong, independent woman who was strong in being who she was and never changing. It was one of the many, many things I had instantly loved about Rose. She had changed since when we first met, but only when she was ready to and had learned things on her own. A lukewarm breeze swirled around us and it somehow helped me to be honest. "I do trust you, Roza. But...I don't believe in ghost."

"Will you try to?" She inquired. "Or at the very least try not to write this off to some psychosis?"

I hauled all theories from my mind, leaving it as blank as possible for her. "Yes. That I can do."

Then, Rose opened up to me, explaining about her first couple of Mason sightings and how she'd been afraid to explain the Stan incident to anyone. I felt my own sympathy surpass my anger that she had battling this all alone. She then described—in detail—about the shapes on the plane. My mind was spinning again. I knew immediately that this sitution was beyond me. I wanted to give her an answer, but I couldn't find one. It was so strange and unique that I really believed we were dealing with something _different_.

"Doesn't it seem kind of, um, specific for a random stress reaction?" She asked once she was done explaining.

"I don't know that you can really expect 'stress reactions' to be random or specific. They're unpredictable by nature." I amended a little absentmindedly as I still tried to solve this mystery. Every time I felt like I was hitting a brick wall. There was something we were missing and I couldn't figure out what. "Why are you so certain these aren't just things you're imagining?"

Rose shrugged a little. "Well, at first I thought I was imagining it all. But now...I don't know. There's something about it that feels real...even though I know that isn't actually evidence. But you heard what Father Andrew said—about ghosts sticking around after they die young or violently."

I wanted to tell her not to take the priest literally, but held back, biting my lip. Instead, I asked, "So you think Mason's back for revenge?" That was probably the worst scenario to go with. Even if his death was tragic, I had seen how much Ashford had cared for Rose. He wouldn't blame her for his death, especially when she killed his muderers.

Rose agreed with my thoughts as she kept talking. "I thought that at first, but not I'm not so sure. He's never tried to hurt me. He just seems like he wants something." I could almost see her mind reeling again. "And then...all those other ghosts seemed to want something too—even the ones I didn't know. Why?"

I gave her a knowing look. "You have a theory."

I could some enthusiasm forming. "I do. I was thinking about what Victor said. He mentioned that because I'm shadow-kissed—because I died—I have a connection to the world of the dead. That I'll never entirely leave it behind me."

Hearing his name blackened my entire mood. Her theory made me shudder, especially since she inspired it from garbage that bastard had told her. "I wouldn't put a lot of stock in what Victor Dashkov tells you." Unwanted memories were popping up, some of the lust spell that distracted me, others of Rose's agonized scream in the car that angered me. I would never get over my hate for that man.

"But he know's things! You know he does, no matter how big of an asshole he is."

I returned my attention to the somewhat better part of her theory. "Okay, supposing that's true, that being shadow-kissed let's you see ghosts, why is it happening now? Why didn't it happen right after the car accident."

Apparently Rose had an answer for everything. "I thought of that," She said with a touch of eagerness. "It was something else Victor said—that now that I was dealing in death, I was much closer to the other side. What if causing someone else's death strengthened my connection and now makes this possible? I just had my first kill. Kills, even."

I didn't like that theory and I found myself poking at the holes it in, despite my instinct it was going to piss Rose off. "Why is it so haphazard?" I asked. "Why does it occur when it does? Why the airplane? Why not at Court?"

I was right. I saw her enthusiasm tarnish and I kind of regretted my questioning. "What are you, a lawyer?" She snapped. "You question everyting I'm saying. I thought you were going to have an open mind."

"I am. But you need to too. Think about it. Why this pattern of sightings?" It really didn't make any sense, now I that I really meditated it. If ghosts were trying to reach her, they wouldn't just pop in and out every once in a while. Not unless something was blocking them.

"I don't know." Rose admitted. I watched sadly as she sagged in defeat. "You still think I'm crazy."

I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to be close to her, in some way. To at least touch her. I reached out and cupped her chin, tipping her face up so she could see me. "No. Never. Not one of those theories makes me think you're crazy." Nothing ever would. Well, maybe if she killed Lissa, because I know that's something Rose never would—could—do. "But I've always believed that the simpliest explanation makes sense. Dr. Orlendzki does. The ghost one has holes. But, if you can find out more...then we may have something to work with.

Rose looked mystified. "We?"

I would have smiled if my mood wasn't so serious. "Of course. I'm not leaving you alone on this, no matter what." The next words slipped out but I was so glad I let them go. "You know I'd never abandon you." It was so hard to not kiss her right now, to wrap my arms around her and reassure her that no matter what we had to face, I would always be running right behind her. Even if it was a world of ghosts.

Rose returned my words, though I think she had trouble sorting them out. "And I would never abandon you, you know. I mean it...not that this stuff ever happens to you, of course, but if you start seeing ghosts or anything, I'll help you through it."

I found my mood lightened instantly and laughed. "Thanks."

It was like our hands were magnets as they found each other, our fingers twining together. Warm and powerful things shot through me at the innocent, small contact. I could only imagine what would happen if we went any further. I wanted to find out, but knew it wasn't the time. Especially with all Rose had going on. Reluctantly, we both let go a full minute later. I walked her back to room and after some reassuring from her and fighting against myself, I left her alone, though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

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**Wow. Ha, this is a lot longer than I thought it was going to be. But, I hope you liked it and I didn't do too horribly at Dimitri's mind. Lemme know whatcha think. ****Oh, and if you have any requests (for Dimka's mind) I'd be glad to try to do it! =) **


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